I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
