i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
