first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
