you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
