mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
