respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
