Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
