Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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