i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
