my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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