all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
