i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You pole danced in your parka.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
