Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
