Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
