There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
