I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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