My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
