No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
