you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i now understand why vodka
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
