Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
