i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
