Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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