i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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