worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
