apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
