Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
