Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
