Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
