i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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