Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
