I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
