I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
