Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
