you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need to sanitize my soul.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
