Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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