Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
