what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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