so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
