Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
