honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
