Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
