toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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