i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
