I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
