He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
