I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Never underestimate the power of titties
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
