Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
