sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
