Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
