Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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