It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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