We're like a lot better than the average bears
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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