life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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